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Elizabeth's Blog Post #7

 EElizabeth’s English Blog #7

By: Elizabeth Crotts

Fourth grade started with hope. Though most of the same students were in the class, the main bully had moved halfway across the planet. Hope. Finally, I thought, it was over. I was sadly mistaken. Even though my bullies lost their leader, I was still the target. They, with the addition of three new tormentors, ridiculed me for the next two years. Despite facing this persecution 8 hours a day, 180 days a year, I still acted “normal” for my friends and family. I still smiled, I still treated others well, I still endured to enjoy those scant hours of freedom from their attacks. Only when I was alone did I take off the mask revealing the brokenness that was underneath it. My reaction to their words became less and less over time. I started feeling numb. My last year at that school only one of the bullies remained. She was relentless. My attempts to evade her were met by renewed efforts to elicit a reaction from me through verbal ridicule and physical attack. After that year, my family chose to leave the school and homeschool my siblings and me.

Finally, I was free from my bullies, or so I thought. I had been their victim for so long that I became power-hungry. I wanted control. I began to physically abuse my younger sibling; I became a BULLY. My parents noticed my little sibling wasn’t acting normal. Eventually, they found out why and I started meeting a therapist once a week.

After a couple months of treatment and psychological recovery, I reached out to that final bully to ask “why?” Why did she make me the target? Her answer was simply “I don’t know?” Originally, that boiled my blood, the pain she caused me was based on an “I don’t know.” Over time, though, I found that this “I don’t know” gave me relief.  I wasn’t the problem, I never was, but I did know I had to be my own solution.

Over the past couple of years, I have been working on myself. I have been recovering from an eight-year battle. I’ve had to learn how to express emotions, be vulnerable, and how to effectively handle those situations. I was finally victorious, and a physical reaction didn’t win it for me. I am now a completely changed person with a broader perspective on hope. I hope I can inspire others by sharing my story. I hope I can help be a part of a global solution to bullying. My hope grows stronger each time I am part of the solution. I hope this story gives you insight into both sides of the issue and motivates you to treat others with kindness and compassion.

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